4 spiritual steps to move from a stressful relationship into a harmonic relationship

  1. Visualize hugging him/her 3 times a day and feel happy and full of love

Relationships are more than a physical connection. We are connected with our partner on soul level. 

And the soul doesn’t necessarily need to work in our definition of space and time. So even if you are not in the same room or he has no time to enjoy a hug, you both feel a difference on soul level when you imagine to hug him and focus on the deep love you feel for him. 

This is one reason why distance relationships often work good and start getting tricky when a couple moves together. On distance there is a lot of loving emotion for the partner, even when he or she is very far away and the partner can feel this connection on soul level. 

After moving together, we often start focusing on daily things and the physical world. The deep connection often gets replaced with daily life struggles. And the doubts and fights start coming in. 

So if you want more hugs and love from your partner, just go into another room and connect with him on soul level. Feel him hugging you and enjoy the time you have there without any judgement about him sitting in front of the laptop or TV somewhere else. 

You might not see a change in the beginning. But stay with it and eventually his soul will tell his body what he is missing on the physical side. 

  1. Care for yourself, take time offs and enjoy being without him

A very important fact: Me-time is even more important in relationships than date nights. And I don’t talk about the short bath that you take while he is watching a football match. 

Many people are not feeling comfortable when they are alone or doing something without their partner. Because they don’t live in a balanced relationship with a close connection but in an emotional dependency. 

Does it not feel good to read this? It’s ok, I’ve been there and so are many other people. You are reading this ebook for a reason, there need to be some messages that push you out of your comfort zone to get the turnaround that you desire to have.

And I write this to give you support and solutions – you are on the right way! So even if it doesn’t feel good to be without him, start practicing to take time for yourself. Of course there are often other limiting factors like kids or financials. But I’m a single mom and have been in a toxic relationship for years. I know how “I just can’t do it, there is no way I can get away!” feels like. As soon as you focus on it and set the clear intention to take some time off, there will be a solution showing up eventually!

I can’t tell you what to do at this me-time, once you take it. It should have an emotional value for yourself. For some it might be to visit a relative or friend you haven’t seen in a while, for some it might be wellness like a massage or sauna. Or a hike in nature. You know it. And the first thing that your current programming might bring up is “Yes, I know it, but it’s not possible!” This is because your programming doesn’t want to be changed or deleted and it knows already more than you – that it will for sure be changed once you start caring well for yourself. So it doesn’t want to think about a solution. Be kind, acknowledge it, but still set your intention to get the me-time you want and need!

  1. Self love is the ultimate key

We all are born with unconditional self love. So why is it so hard to feel self love once we are grown up? It’s because our whole upbringing is focused on us unlearning to love ourselves and learning to fit in and serve others, fulfill their needs and ignore our own intuition. 

So self love is nothing we need to learn – it’s all about unlearning what holds up back from feeling it. 

Every time we were told as a kid and while growing up that what we did was not nice or that we are not good enough or when we just thought that we were somehow wrong, we lost a bit of our ability to love ourselves unconditionally. We started judging and criticizing ourselves. That’s learned behaviour and usually stays with us for the rest of our lifetime. Like a mean little parrot sitting on our shoulder and constantly telling us that we are not ok and we don’t deserve to be loved because of xyz. 

So what is the trick to get into self love? It’s to let go of all the judgement. Treat ourselves like a little baby that is so gorgeous and cute that you can only love it, no matter what. Kick out the nasty parrot and replace it with a loud voice that’s telling you every day how wonderful you are and how much you love yourself. Look into your eyes in the mirror like into the eyes of an adorable lover and tell yourself how wonderful you are. 

Of course that’s not the whole game. Unfortunately when we didn’t live with unconditional self love and collected a lot of pain and self doubt on our path, there is a lot of cleansing happening at first. So we don’t experience a straight path into more and deeper love. In most cases we first feel worse even more sad. It’s like if you take a bowl of super dirty muddy water and start pouring in fresh clear water. The first outcome is a lot of dirt and mud coming up. And this stays until the water is exchanged and cleared completely. Then we suddenly see a huge change. 

There are a lot of practices and tools that you can learn and use, far too much for an ebook. I have a 4 sessions self love program that will cover the whole journey into self love with all needed tools to make a profound turnaround into unconditional self love. 

  1. Soul to soul conversation: (Especially after a fight -) Talk to his soul in a separate place and not to his body physically

This does not make any sense for you if you don’t believe in spirituality or telepathy. But actually it does make sense even from a point to classic psychology. 

You might want to keep a few rules in mind, though. The talk you should have with him is not about blaming and nagging as this would only hold you down in the same experience that you just had with your fight. It doesn’t make you feel better and it won’t solve any problems. 

There are two much better versions of how to set up this soul to soul conversation. They both follow a different purpose and are both equally effective. You might want to choose one of both as it is resonating more with your situation or you might want to try out both of them – it’s up to you!

Before you start, sit down with a straight back and take at least three deep breaths. Inhale deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. This calms down your anger and running thoughts and can help you get out of fight and flight mode and into full consciousness.

First version:

Imagine him sitting or standing (or kneeling) in front of you, being calm and open. Then start talking to him about your needs and wishes in the situation you both have just been facing. Don’t focus on what he did, simply say how you feel, what your needs are and how you both could find a better solution to meet your needs. 

For example if you had a fight about an agreement you made to go shopping together but then he won’t show up in time and once he is back he would just start doing random things and delaying while you get more and more angry because time is running and he is not moving forward. At some point it escalated into a fight because you felt sad, angry and disappointed and he felt pushed, misunderstood and offended. After a situation like this it makes sense to just talk about your needs and your boundaries. Tell him that you want to feel respected and how important it is to you to have an open conversation. Tell him you deserve to experience a situation where he is either showing up in time and spending the agreed time together as planned or where he is sitting down with you early enough for an open and honest conversation about his own plans and that he really does not want to spend his time this way or has important other things to do, so that you can adapt your own plans and maybe go with a friend. Focus purely on how you would want this situation to look like in your ideal world – of course with respecting his own needs and boundaries as well. 

Close the chat with looking into his eyes and imagining that he understood and agreed. Give him a warm hug and thank him for this nice communication.

The deeper background here is that you have this inner conversation about your own value and what you deserve to experience. If you repeat this frequently enough it is increasing your inner strength to show up in a different energy and harmonic power within such situations. He will feel the difference eventually! 

Second version: 

Repeat the situation you just experienced all over again but act as if everything went exactly as you wanted to. Spend the perfect time with him in your imagination and thank him a lot for what a wonderful man he is and how happy you are to be with him. 

In the same example as for version one this would mean to sit down, take three deep breaths and imagine how he was ready in time. You imagine to leave together in harmony, go to the places where you wanted to go and come back home. Have a smile on your face and tell him about every detail and how wonderful it was that we did spend this great time with you. 

This is called revising. It completely takes away the tension between the both of you and his resistance of acting the same way again in a new situation in your future. Additionally it changes your subconscious thinking about the conflict you experience. 95% of the communication between you and your partner happens on a subconscious level. You don’t only communicate what you want to say but also what you truly believe. So if you ever agree again to having a shopping day, your subconscious would already tell him that you have doubts if it will work out this way or that you believe it will end with a fight with him. He will also subconsciously receive this information and feel accused and stressed from begin on, knowing that he will disappoint you, because that’s what you expect to happen. And there it goes. 

The step of revising what you experienced won’t erase the past completely but it would influence your programming in a positive way and take the tension out of the next conversation you have. The chance that it end the way you want it to end is already much bigger because you don’t communicate subconsciously that you any ways don’t expect him to show up and be with you on this day.